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Let’s Be Real: Here’s What We’re All Thinking During a Threesome

Threesomes are fun! Exciting! Kinky! New! But they’re also super freaking hard to navigate sometimes—especially when it’s your first time. Because no matter how experienced you are sexually, messing around with two people is logistically much harder than one. Trust me.

The good news is that once you get into it, you pick it up like you’re riding the bike for the first time. (Except in this case, you’re naked, and the tires are, well, butts.)

So in addition to “Wait, shit, am I doing this right?” and “Do I need to be giving this person more attention?” here are some other thoughts you can absolutely expect to think during your first ever threesome:

  1. Who makes the first move? How does one initiate a threesome?
  2. Oh, I think it’s like hopscotch: Jump in when you’re ready.
  3. I’M GOING IN.
  4. Damn, my bra came off fast.
  5. Should I have worn matching underwear and not these things with polka dots?
  6. No, the polka dots are a hit. I even got a compliment.
  7. Okay, whose butt am I touching?
  8. Oh, haha, mine.
  9. Must. Find. Another. Butt.
  10. Found one.
  11. If their mouth is there, then mine should be somewhere over here.
  12. I’ll tell ya what, there are a lot of holes to focus on.
  13. More people = more lube.
  14. Time to switch positions.
  15. Is this the one named after the Eiffel Tower?
  16. How did I get by this hole?
  17. Scratch that, I’m actually into this hole.
  18. I think I found my new favorite hole.
  19. I feel like we’re really focusing on them right now.
  20. I’d love more attention.
  21. Look at that: Ask and you shall receive.
  22. Ooh, that feels good.
  23. Should I be licking something?
  24. Why are there so many legs?
  25. I can’t see what I’m doing.
  26. We need better lighting.
  27. I would’ve taken some pre-workout if I had known I’d be having a threesome today.
  28. Is anyone else tired?
  29. Holy shit. Two tongues.
  30. I just finished.
  31. Did they?
  32. By the sound of it, they sure did.
  33. Good job, team.
  34. Let’s do this again sometime.
  35. I’d rate you five stars.
  36. If two is better than one, three is better than two.
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