Sports

I went to the Ed Sheeran fanclub Discord to talk about the NFL

No professional sports league is better at playing out the theatre of the absurd than the NFL. The latest act in their performance is everything that’s happening here.

Ed Sheeran has been booked for the NFL Kickoff Concert, which is the epitome of NFL booking. Find someone who’s famous, but kind of forgotten about, who plays the least offensive music imaginable, and try to coax new audiences into watching football.

But this merchandise … wow. I had to know if there’s anyone on the face of the earth who plans to buy this stuff unironically. There was only one place where I could get a serious answer. I went into the belly of the beast, and found the Ed Sheeran fanclub Discord. Surely if anyone was going to purchase these items it would be the Sheerios.

After minutes of waiting with bated breath I received no response. Nobody, not even Ed Sheeran’s biggest fans wanted to buy Ed Sheeran x NFL gear. I was crushed. But maybe this was a little too forward. Perhaps the Sheerios thought I was an undercover NFL agent trying to co-opt their fandom for the purposes of taking their money.

I needed a different approach.

I went to the Ed Sheeran fanclub Discord to talk about the NFL

Thanks to “Ed got the shivers” i learned something quickly about Ed Sheeran, and it was verifiable. Sheeran has indeed done some work with the Tennessee Titans, even said that he is a Titans fan. See, who said you couldn’t get some useful information from an Ed Sheeran Discord server?

So, knowing that “Ed got the shivers” was willing to talk, I needed to start asking the hard-hitting questions.

I went to the Ed Sheeran fanclub Discord to talk about the NFL

Hell yeah, we’re talking about Ed Sheeran’s NFL potential! Alright, we were having some fun discourse so it’s time to finally get my burning question answered.

I went to the Ed Sheeran fanclub Discord to talk about the NFL

Crushed. Devastated. The only captive audience for this NFL x Ed Sheeran merch is not interested in it. Stunningly, it seems the venn diagram of football fans and Sheeran fans is far too narrow to have any real attraction, kind of like when Sheeran had a cameo on Game of Thrones and confused everyone.

In any event, my quest was complete. Nobody really wants this merch. I assume any sales will be to people buying it as a joke, and that’s perhaps the best use of it — a perfect symbol of the NFL’s weird crossovers with music.

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